i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
