you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
