so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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