After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
