Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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