i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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