At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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