I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
