Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
