Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
