were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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