my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have beer where we have blood.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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