To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
