So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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