I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
