i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
