Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
