Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
