You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
