We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
