We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
