Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
