My liver just broke up with me...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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