Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
