oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
