im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
