I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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