you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dignity is for republicans.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
