Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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