I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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