Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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