OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize