Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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