Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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