I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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