sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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