The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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