I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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