I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
