Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
