You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
