: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
