this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
As shirtless as possible
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
