There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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