why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
