dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize