Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
