winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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