Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
