I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize