well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
