Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
