3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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