I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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