i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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