how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
