We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
