i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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