i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
