You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
