I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
