I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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