So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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