Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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