anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My bed smells like the plague
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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