I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize