so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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