my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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