Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
