why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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