I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
