I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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