these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
