the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
