I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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