I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize