I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
